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You did. If you remember, when you invaded Earth, I wanted you to come home with me. I didn't go there to fight you, I've never wanted to fight you.
I know.
[ loki sighs. ]
Your timing wasn't the best. My fear . . . was stronger. And I had other debts to pay.
[ loki sighs. ]
Your timing wasn't the best. My fear . . . was stronger. And I had other debts to pay.
[ He remembers how desperate he felt. Thor wanted to go back to earth, but not like that, and when he arrived, having thought Loki was dead, he wanted to hold his brother and cry. The fact they went straight to conflict was agonizing. ]
I have lost you twice now. You don't know the nightmares I had, the emptiness in my heart. I kept it on the inside, but it was a wound that never stopped bleeding.
[ Thor had to keep it internal. That was part of their culture too, what was expected of a warrior, and what Odin expected of him. Thor feels very strongly. ]
I have lost you twice now. You don't know the nightmares I had, the emptiness in my heart. I kept it on the inside, but it was a wound that never stopped bleeding.
[ Thor had to keep it internal. That was part of their culture too, what was expected of a warrior, and what Odin expected of him. Thor feels very strongly. ]
[ his throat bobs as he stares at his brother wide-eyed. ]
Thor . . .
Thor . . .
[ Thor sighs and steps back, crossing his arms. ]
Do you know how painful it was to all of a sudden have you hate me? If you see it from my point of view, you went from the most important person in my life to my enemy with no warning, and the loathing you had for me, Loki. It was ... heartbreaking.
Do you know how painful it was to all of a sudden have you hate me? If you see it from my point of view, you went from the most important person in my life to my enemy with no warning, and the loathing you had for me, Loki. It was ... heartbreaking.
[ loki recalls his nightmares, the fear of thor returning home and smashing his head in with a hammer. a monster to be defeated. ]
I know a little of it.
I know a little of it.
[ loki sighs. ]
It was never — never as simple as hate.
It was never — never as simple as hate.
[ He looks like his heart is breaking again. ]
That's not a no.
That's not a no.
[ loki exhales. trying to put his own feelings into words was . . . difficult. no matter how proficient he was at dialogue. he turns to face thor, laying a cool hand upon his cheek. ]
Thor, my world shattered. Whatever certainty I believed in, I lost. And when I looked into Odin's eyes, in everyone's eyes, all I could see was that — they didn't trust me. They never trusted me.
And even your protection, your love . . . it had limits.
Thor, my world shattered. Whatever certainty I believed in, I lost. And when I looked into Odin's eyes, in everyone's eyes, all I could see was that — they didn't trust me. They never trusted me.
And even your protection, your love . . . it had limits.
[ Loki is not usually the one who gives physical affection, that is usually Thor, so he's startled at the hand on his cheek. It's nice though. He always craves affection. ]
You didn't give me a chance. You killed me. And I didn't know why.
You didn't give me a chance. You killed me. And I didn't know why.
[ loki flinches, pulling his hand back to rub at his palms. ]
I know, I panicked. I just needed more time.
I know, I panicked. I just needed more time.
No, don't ----
[ Thor reaches out to grab his hand and holds it. ]
I am not angry, I am trying to understand. We never talked about any of this.
[ Thor reaches out to grab his hand and holds it. ]
I am not angry, I am trying to understand. We never talked about any of this.
[ loki blinks in surprise as he stills. ]
No. We did not.
[ the pause swallows the sound. ]
I tried to pick it up when I was there. Your hammer. I had heard Odin's spell and I had hoped it would . . . help make sense of all of it. I just needed some proof I wasn't going to lose it all.
[ loki lets out a shudder. ]
It was just foolishness. I got my answer when I looked at Odin on the bridge.
No. We did not.
[ the pause swallows the sound. ]
I tried to pick it up when I was there. Your hammer. I had heard Odin's spell and I had hoped it would . . . help make sense of all of it. I just needed some proof I wasn't going to lose it all.
[ loki lets out a shudder. ]
It was just foolishness. I got my answer when I looked at Odin on the bridge.
The hammer was a crutch. Father said he used it to help focus my powers, but it is why I never truly embraced the extent of them until it was gone.
[ Typical Odin, finding ways to control his children, especially if he thought they could get too powerful. ]
You were trying to kill all of the Frost Giants, Loki. Is that what you thought he wanted? He could have done that himself, if it was.
[ Typical Odin, finding ways to control his children, especially if he thought they could get too powerful. ]
You were trying to kill all of the Frost Giants, Loki. Is that what you thought he wanted? He could have done that himself, if it was.
[ loki looks away. ]
I just wanted to know I was enough. That I could have done everything anyone else could. I was just as Asgardian as — That was his plan, you know. To put me on the throne. Send me away.
I just wanted to know I was enough. That I could have done everything anyone else could. I was just as Asgardian as — That was his plan, you know. To put me on the throne. Send me away.
Perhaps he thought you and I could unite the two thrones at last, in a way he never could. But he was an arrogant man, to assume he could impose his will on everyone that way.
[ As if the Frost Giants would accept an Asgardian prince. Nor would he blame them if they refused! As if that is what Loki wanted too. Thor understands the way their father's mind works, honestly, it is the true thought of a conquerer playing at peace. ]
When it comes to the hammer, Loki, ask yourself this, and be honest.
[ He takes Loki's hand. ]
If Father, Hela, and a robot can hold it, what is its worth truly? It was a strange magical weapon with rules none of us understood. The next time I get a weapon, it will be one that I made, that I am in charge of.
[ As if the Frost Giants would accept an Asgardian prince. Nor would he blame them if they refused! As if that is what Loki wanted too. Thor understands the way their father's mind works, honestly, it is the true thought of a conquerer playing at peace. ]
When it comes to the hammer, Loki, ask yourself this, and be honest.
[ He takes Loki's hand. ]
If Father, Hela, and a robot can hold it, what is its worth truly? It was a strange magical weapon with rules none of us understood. The next time I get a weapon, it will be one that I made, that I am in charge of.
I don't care, I just want to feel it.
[ the way thor does. the way everyone else seems to. so absolutely certain of the worth in this world, while loki continues to scramble for meaning. ]
[ the way thor does. the way everyone else seems to. so absolutely certain of the worth in this world, while loki continues to scramble for meaning. ]
You are the only person who can make you feel worthy, brother.
It's not. If it was, I would've done that long before I lost the hammer.
Learn to like yourself, and after you do that, learn to love yourself.
[ loki grimaces. he likes none of those options. ]
Personally, I rather find another magical weapon to get overly attached to.
Personally, I rather find another magical weapon to get overly attached to.
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