angelpiratebaby | (no subject)

[ doesn't it? sickly doubts are spreading now. come to think of it, loki never asks lawford much about his past. he didn't think it was important. perhaps it was? perhaps he's not doing it right.

he swallows it down. ]

It'll be all right. I didn't lie about anything.

[ Thor glances at him, worried he's put an insecurity in there from his typical thoughtless commentary. It's typical. Thor waves a hand. ]

If he cared about it, he would have asked you. It is not important to everyone.

[ He has feelings for multiple people who he doesn't know the entire story of. He and Jane knew a great deal about each other, but that's because they asked and wanted to know. It seems to be up to the couple in question. Although a part of him does worry this Lawford may be startled if he hears from other people about Loki's past. Well, that's a problem for later if so.]

[ loki doesn't look or feel convinced, but he looks to thor, as if to draw upon his confidence before pushing it down. if lawford truly had those concerns, he would have said something. loki knows it. no, actually loki believes it. that's what he promised. certainty for each day.

but loki also knows the truth has never been particularly kind to him. his fingers twitch by his sides. ]

Do you believe that?

[ if thor does, then loki will try to. ]

I knew very little of Jane Foster when I first met her, but you know that didn't matter to me.

[ They grew to know each other, but in the start she was a strange human scientist who he found interesting and intelligent. They got along, they didn't share every secret with one another, he eventually asked the deeper questions but it wasn't essential to their relationship. He knew her for a short time but already fell for her, enough that she was still on his mind plenty of time later when they were apart.

He sounds confident because he is. But he doesn't have Loki's background so he pauses a moment to consider. He wants to give his brother his honest thoughts. ]

I don't think telling your history is necessary, but I caution you against hiding it from him too. If he does ask, be honest. If he doesn't, you can assume it genuinely is unimportant to him.

[ bitterly, though it's not directed at thor. ]

So I should expect a potential fallout, regardless. I shouldn't have accepted his proposal. It was foolish of me.

[ Thor rolls his eye. ]

Do you think him perfect, brother? Do you think he has no flaws, no history of his own? Would it matter to you if he turns out to be a real person rather than a fantasy?

[ loki whirls to face thor, anger flashing. ]

It is not his flaws I'm concerned about! I am the one whose past is concerning! Everyone else here is a hero or a normal person. I'm the one who must navigate in fear!

[ Thor's temper is banked; he is not going to rise to it when he knows Loki is afraid. ]

You are making assumptions and judgments of yourself for him, he is an adult man capable of making his own decisions. You would not marry a fool, you have to trust him.

[ that stops loki in his tracks. yes, it's not about his past. it's about trust. and trust has always been the biggest obstacle for loki, the hardest pinnacle to climb. could he do it? trust someone else? ]

Everyone makes trust seem so easy.

It isn't easy. Many people have broken my trust.

[ Loki obviously, their parents, and his friends too, Stark and Banner most directly with the scepter although he forgave them both quickly. ]

It is possible you choose to trust someone and they betray you, and I know that has happened to you many times, but you are not happy allowing that to shut you off from the world, Loki. You still seek real happiness, I see it in you now, you are not as cynical as you want to be.

. . . No.

[ it's a quiet admittance of the truth. he's not. he's not sure what it's like to be happy without doubt or fear. they've been his constant companions for so long and loki is loathe to give them up. in his mind, they've kept him safe, kept him from worse heartbreak. ]

I do want more.

You're only going to get that if you take chances. Love is a risk, but the best things in life are.

[ Thor reaches out to take Loki's hands, squeezing them reassuringly. ]

I know you can do this.

[ loki centers himself around that. if thor thinks he can, then surely loki can muster up the confidence. his fingers tighten around thor's hands. ]

I'll do it. I'll try.