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[ They always used to say the only way to die was as a warrior, and they did get that end. Protecting Asgard to their last breath. Who is he to deny that would be his choice of death too? But he has a lot of guilt surrounding how he should have somehow been faster, even if he intellectually knows Hela was still too powerful. That's why he let her have Asgard. He can always find reasons for it to be his fault. And saying you wish to die for heroism or glory feels different when the reality of death seems so cold and cruel.

While Thor is holding onto finding a way to save Loki, that is as far as he will take it. He knows he cannot simply go as far back into their timeline as possible and change everything to his will. Perhaps this is the one thing he can change, or so he has convinced himself. The denial over that is stronger than anything else.

They had been by his side for so long, sharing in all of their triumphs and failures.]

Once this happens they are gone.

[ his expression softens a little. loki recognizes this is hard, even if he doesn't quite have the same feeling. he sent his own boat a month after he arrived here, dealing with his own grief the way he had always done; alone. but thor isn't like him. ]

They are gone.

[ Thor knows it is illogical to feel that as long as he doesn't directly acknowledge it or mourn them, it doesn't make it real yet. He's never had a healthy relationship with grief, as they both know. But Loki is right. If nothing else, in Thor's eyes, the Warriors Three deserve the funeral they never got. Hela likely gave no respect to their bodies, she wouldn't care enough to bother with the rituals for anyone on Asgard. ]

They are gone.

[ He says quietly, devastating in its simplicity. ]

They died as they wanted to. For Asgard.

[ Thor breathes in unsteadily and out. He steps up to the boat and places a hand on it, thinking of them. Of the brightest memories of them.]

But I would have seen us all grow old together. As naive as that sounds.

[ he deserves a medal for this, loki thinks distantly. if thor starts waxing poetically about the warriors three, loki might have to call up the best acting he's ever done. the fact that he's doing this at all speaks volumes of him. probably.

either way, loki does not blink or look away at such sentimentality. nor does he point out the fallacy there. ]

I doubt they would have enjoyed that very much. What kind of glorious end would that be?

[ Thor looks out at the water, pensive. He's quiet as he thinks about that. He is resisting the urge to talk about them, to say true farewells in their memory, to speak of the things he will miss about them. He knows better than to do that with Loki, but it also isn't the type of thing to do at a funeral barge either. That is for later with drinks, toasting the memory of those lost. ]

The more death I see, the less glorious it seems.

[ A far cry from someone who used to believe greatly in dying gloriously being the possible end for him too. And Thor is not afraid of death, not in the least. If he died tomorrow, he would face it. It is not about fear, it is about the aftermath both good and bad of being a survivor. Asgard, gone. All their warriors, gone. His friends, gone. Their parents, gone. And while he's trying to do anything but acknowledge it, Loki and Heimdall, gone. What will he be left with to lose, in the end? ]

I apologize. I know I am not usually ....

[ So morose. Or at least not in a way he lets people see. ]

[ loki does roll his eyes here. ]

This is a funeral, you oaf. If not now, then when?

[ never is thor's answer and loki knows it. thor gilds his heart with iron and blood. the way all asgardians do. it's not loss, it's victory. it's not death, it is heaven everlasting.

he pushes down the fear that rises up like a gorge. valhalla won't let him in. it's a guess, one that scares him. no amount of valour and sacrifice will give him entry into the golden halls. because frost giants don't go to valhalla. for all loki knows, maybe they just melt away.

nothing but water. ]

You've learned the real truth of it. But you must learn the next. You must move on.

[ Thor can't help but smile, thinly, at Loki's attitude. It's familiar. And the answer was never, yes, exactly as he suspected. He's been raised to be The Asgardian, after all. He is supposed to be the embodiment of all the things that their father deemed most worthy and expected for an Asgardian warrior. The victory instead of loss, Valhalla instead of death. But Thor's started to doubt the gospel according to Odin. Slowly but surely.

Thor takes in a deep breath and lets it out, and he pushes the boat out onto the water. It is not the traditional Asgardian way, but it is close, it is meaningful.]

I will see you again.

[ He says softly, to those who have fallen. A light breeze pushes the boat out, the wind at his command as long as he keeps it within control, and he shoots lightning at it. In this mood, he is calm, sedate, and the wood ignites immediately. Luckily there is no one nearby, and even if they were to come look, they would have missed how it happened.

Tears are flowing now from his eye and he still keeps his back to Loki, even now trying to shield his grief, unable to ask for comfort. ]

[ loki quietly reaches out to rest his hand on thor's shoulder, fingers tightening their grip. he does not look. he does not need to. grief is a river. it flows into the ocean. it may never end, but why must it?

at least that's how loki sees it. ]

[ The hand on his shoulder helps. He may not be able to ask, but now that it's given, he's able to accept it. There is only so much comfort possible in the fact of loss. Thor turns from the fire and moves toward Loki. He doesn't think outside of wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a hug, or rather, asking for a hug, for that connection he's lacking with his heavy grief.

This is why he always believes in Loki, he knows there is a part of his brother that is genuine and good. And as long as he still has him, Thor can keep breathing too. That is why he cannot accept their future. Losing Loki would be the last straw for him. He can't do it again. He clings to him now, still crying, hiding it in Loki's shoulder as his head lowers down. ]

Brother.

[ Said in that same tone as when Loki broke in an earlier conversation, when reaching an emotional level past words. ]

[ he had expected this, so loki had allowed thor to hold him without much protest, his own arms threading around thor. grief was not a complicated emotion for loki. he's lived with it for a long time now, ever since he fell and by the time he accepted thanos' offer, he had long given up ever going home.

it's why he goes along with thor's plan even though he knows otherwise. and there are secrets now, the things valkyrie has told him which suggests failure.

loki runs his fingers down thor's neck, reassuring as his brother weeps. the worst, he thinks, is yet to come but loki will not be the one to deliver it. ]

I'm here. It's all right.

[ Valkyrie has kept her secrets from Thor. A part of him knows that. She's intentionally moved around giving him straight answers. He is not actually stupid. It's not the first time someone has lied to spare him, and he sees it in her. So he's chosen the path of being spared for now. Perhaps to keep being determined to fix things, that her future isn't going to happen because he will change it using this timeline. The idea of accepting true failure is not something he can do yet. So he'll ignore it until he possibly can.

Even accepting this much grief is a big deal for him. And grief for him is breaking off pieces of his heart and not having the skill to piece them back together. Those parts are simply broken forever. He remembers that moment when Loki was in his room on the ship, when he said I'm here, and how he felt in that moment like he could take on anything because of it. ]

Loki. [ He sighs, holding onto him still. ] You do have such a good heart.

[ oh, thor. loki doesn't have a heart anymore. he doesn't even know the heart he has is real. still, he has some sense in his head as loki combs through thor's short hair soothingly.

undying fidelity. ]

Only for you.

[ There is no one that could convince Thor Loki has no heart. For a time he feared it was gone or iced over, but Thor sees it in him. It doesn't matter how much he's been given reason to doubt. Moments like these prove it.

Thor does want, on the whole, for Loki to find love and happiness and every good thing that he could possibly ask for. But in this moment, he is selfishly glad to be the focus of Loki's love, if only to be able to grip onto comfort that is difficult for him to ask for. He's starving for it, and specifically from Loki; it makes him feel accepted and safe. ]

I am glad for it.

[ The fingers in his hair are very soothing. ]

I am glad for you, brother.

[ loki can't help a caustic huff even if it's not bitter to the bone. of all the things to be glad for, really. ]

As you should be.

[ Thor smiles sadly, pulling away from Loki and wiping his tears away, breaking eye contact for that. He may have allowed himself to weep on his brother but that did request a lot from him. This is something Thor would have never brought up to Loki, but he is beyond grateful he did it on his own. A loving gesture.

He looks at the boat instead, it'll be dust in the water soon with how much he put into it. And with that dust is the acceptance he needed to come to. ]

So this is what you've been up to lately.

[ He doesn't want to bring up their fight again or bring attention to it. After scolding Loki he didn't hover suspiciously, reminding himself to give that trust again. ]

[ ah. hm. loki hems and haws for a brief wordless moment before sighing. ]

I'm getting married.

[ Thor's head whips around so fast toward Loki it almost gives him whiplash. He hesitates before getting excited, first asking: ]

Because the Sarano are making you?

[ loki scowls at that because it pokes at his own insecurities about the whole thing. he crosses his arms, defensive. ]

No. Because I was proposed to.

[ Thor was forced into marriage here which is why he assumed that, and he didn't bother to invite anyone because it was required, not wanted. The clarification hits him with shock at first, his sadness evaporating into surprise and then a giant grin. He's absolutely delighted, just still thrown off. ]

Who in the world are you marrying? I didn't know you were in love with anyone!

[ loki can't help the unseemly splutter, immediately bristling like a cat. ]

I did not say anything about — about — love. I was proposed and it would behoove me to say no and — [ he doesn't really have a following statement and the tips of his ears are bright pink. it takes him a few seconds to compose himself. ]

. . . And his name is William Lawford.

You didn't have to say it, you wouldn't marry just anyone.

[ No, Loki would likely talk his way out of it, if the Sarano tried it or anyone else. His brother's far too good at getting out of things. This has to be because he wants it. Thor is instantly joyous, beaming at his brother. He told him to try and find a life and happiness for himself. Neither of them thought he would easily, and yet. ]

Brother! I am so happy for you!

[ Thor sweeps Loki into another hug, this one energetic and boisterous, even lifting him off his feet just an inch or two out of enthusiasm. ]

Tell me everything of this William Lawford.

[ loki lets out a screech, arms pinned to his side. this is a terrible mistake and he never should have said anything at all. ]

Yes, yes, now put me down.

[ once thor compiles because he better, loki consciously brushes down his clothes, miffed with all the . . . sentimentality. his ears are still tinged pink. ]

And there isn't much to say. He's been kind to me. He didn't have to . . . [ bother with loki. spend time with him. marry him. who would?? ]

[ Thor laughs and spins Loki in a little circle because he doesn't pay any mind to screeches. He does put him down though. He doesn't want to be stabbed in the midst of such wonderful news. That would put a little damper on his joy (although not much, what's a little stabbing on such a momentous day). ]

He didn't have to, but he chose to, which means he is a wise man able to see past your prickly defenses.

[ How romantic! Thor can't stop grinning. Loki. Married! He's going to have a new brother (in-law). Thor might do the protective brother thing another time, but not when he can just be glad.]

Come now, where is he from? What is he like? How long have you been involved?

[ loki grimaces because he knows thor is going to rub it in, but he's come this far. ]

He is from Earth's past. We've known each other since we arrived here. As I said, he was kind, remarkably so and easy to talk to. He — [ mo chuisle. loki swallows. ] — He is certain of me.

That's what he said.

Edited 2021-03-24 02:54 (UTC)

You're marrying a human.

[ Oh yeah. He's not going to let this go. This is the gift that keeps giving. Thor would never imagine throwing back in Loki's face what he said about the short life of Jane Foster, but considering Loki's dislike of Earth, he's definitely going to find humor in that to poke at. His brother has come a long way if he'd pick a partner that way.

Thor understands what it would mean to Loki, for someone to say that. Someone other than Thor, who doesn't have any long ties to him, who knows him without the past involved. His expression softens and he reaches out to cup Loki's face affectionately. ]

This is what you deserve, brother. Someone kind and certain.